January 21, 2016

A few years ago I wrote a book. I had an idea and the words started just flowing on paper. I loved my story line, I wrote non-stop for days and then weeks. My characters became my friends, they felt like real people. Their lives were mine to care for, their hopes were what I created and their despair was my doing. I remember the excitement of writing those thousands of words, and the terror of having someone read it. After I typed my last word of my masterpiece, I sat down and read it. Or tried to read it. It was nothing like I had thought. The sentences weren't structured, there were holes all over in the story line and the plot played out better in my head. So, I bundled that book up and locked it away. I gave up. I quit.

These last few months with Crab Terror have not been the easiest. Late nights navigating social media. Hard decisions on designs and products. Figuring out website strategies. Finding money to keep going. Feeling defeated at times and not trusting myself. Have there been times that I question if I am doing the right thing? Yes. Do I compare my ideas and business to others? Yes. Have I thought about giving up? No.

Now don't get me wrong, there might come a point where I say "Okay, you gave it your best shot, but its done." But that will only come when I can sit back and honestly say to myself that I put in 100% and couldn't make it work. When I am sure that I tried EVERYTHING, but that just wasn't enough, I will be able to walk away and be fine with my decision. I didn't do that with that book. I didn't do more, I didn't try harder. I simply gave up. And I HATE that. I hate that I did that.

I am determined to keep going. That book, that took hours of my life, sits in an envelope hidden away. And I hate it. I hate that I put that much effort into something, but threw it to the side when it did not go my way. (Can you tell I "hate" this quitting thing?)! When the first draft was not what I wanted. I can't stand it that I did not work on it more, give myself time to edit and rewrite. Hell, to cut my self some slack since it was my first attempt at writing a BOOK!! Geez, I shouldn't have written it off as the "worst novel ever"! I shouldn't have quit. But I did. And because of that, I am determined to keep moving forward.

Quitting one thing, realizing how I can't stand how that makes me feel, makes me work harder. It makes me put in more time. Makes me plan more. Quitting is teaching me about how wonderful determination feels, how hard work becomes a drug and I know  that even if I can't get this business moving, that I will feel success just because I did not quit.

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